Passion to Die For
by 99rain99
Summary: Sora's heart is filled with his darkness and his Nobody, Roxas, is trapped within and he can't escape. Sora's trying to protect his light but he feels guilty for hurting Roxas. Hatred is strong in Roxas but he wants to love Sora. Will they be swallowed by their darkness or will they be able to survive together? YAOI ONESHOT!


**Rain: Oh my gosh, this is SO OLD! I found it and thought that I could publish it. The songs are Linkin Park's figure 09 and Within Temptation's Forsaken.  
**

**This is YAOI, so if you don't like, don't read! And it's kinda sad too, so sorry for making it gloomy :)  
**

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**Passion to Die For  
**

''_Weren't we supposed to be together all this time to the end?''_

_Well, there are many things to say, but I want to tell you a story about us. _

_Because if I'll be mute, and then your memory will die._

_If I'll be silent, your words won't be heard. I just don't want to forget you… _

_I don't want that you'll be left in shadows. I wouldn't be able to bear that kind of sin… _

_Because you know that I love you._

**Figure 09 (Sora)**

_''And I've let myself became you... or have i just lost my mind? Because we would be united for the day we die__.__..''_

Finally the long day was over and I returned quickly back to my room after eating something. My room was already so dark, and I let myself fall down to the soft mattress. I closed my heavy eyes but I opened them soon.

''I… don't want to sleep.'' I whispered and turned to my left side.

I sighed hard feeling quite guilty.

''No, you shouldn't feel so guilty_, Sora...'' _His soft voice whispers into my ear, and I close my eyes.

I lie back to my bed and separate my hands to my sides. Usually a mere human would fell asleep for sure for being up all day doing usual work, but I just couldn't… I didn't want to when I knew that a certain someone wouldn't be able to have a single moment of peace while I was sleeping.

''But I just cannot leave it alone, you know…'' I answer quietly back to him and he sighs. He doesn't want to see me like this, and I know he hates it.

''_But it's not your fault. You should know it better than anyone Sora, and I'm not mad with you…'' _But I knew that he was lying. I could feel the desperate in his voice, and because he was part of me, I knew exactly how he felt.

He was my _Nobody _after all.

_Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them  
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening  
It's like nothing I can do would distract me when  
I think of how I shot myself in the back again  
'Cause from the infinite words I could say I  
Put all pain you gave to me on display  
But didn't realize instead of setting it free I  
Took what I hated and made it a part of me_

''_Someti__mes you can be such a jerk__,__ Sora.'' _His quiet mocking made me smile a little, and he was right.

Since he was forced to become a part of me, I have been hearing him. It's strange, because he shouldn't be able to keep his consciousness. It's like he's been trapped inside my head unable to come out.

Well, we've been talking a lot lately and because he can see everything I see, and feel everything I feel, he's able to understand my feelings even if he himself shouldn't be able to feel emotions. It's because he's a Nobody and they don't have hearts of their own.

But somehow, my Nobody is an exception. He's able to feel all emotions a heart is able to feel. He can feel love, sorrow, anger, everything. And the worst, he feels pain.

''Hey Roxas… Tell me does it hurt?'' He shivers a little at the suddenly question, but he answers honestly:

''_Yes__… A little bit.''_

''_I wanted to rip out of that uneasy feeling I had in me. I wanted to get rid of his pain. The pains that keep me feel so bad all the time. His __pain was mine, and his desperation was eating me up all the time. Oh, how it hurt…''_

_Never goes away  
Never goes away  
_

_And now  
You've become a part of me  
You'll always be right here  
You've become a part of me  
You'll always be my fear  
I can't separate  
Myself from what I've done  
Giving up a part of me  
I've let myself become you__  
_

He kept watching me all the time. I could feel him feel guilty, but at the same time I could feel a bit of cruel satisfaction. He didn't want to hate me, but I was the reason why he couldn't have a proper life so I couldn't blame him.

Sometimes I wished so hard that he'd unite with me and disappear so he wouldn't have to suffer.

I sank into my mind, and fell right in front of him. He sat on the edge of our picture and looked into the darkness all over us. When I took two steps closer to blonde boy, he immediately stood up.

He was thin, but in a good shape, and he really wasn't a weakling like me. He was a bit taller than me, but he had those two burning blue eyes. The color was the same as I had but the hatred inside them was so immense it made them look cruel.

He had a spiky hair like I had, but the color was different. He was my perfect mirror.

His eyes were eating me up while he eyes me. I knew what he wanted from me; I could feel it. I didn't have to say anything: everything in me was already his.

He walked over me, and pushed me to the ground. I didn't resist at all, and I let him strip me out of my clothes. I let out a laugher, and wiped my spiky forelocks out of my face.

''Do you enjoy this, Rox?'' He chuckled by my words, and licked his lips.

''_Yeah… It tastes good...'' _His husky voice purred in my ears and he touched my chest.

_Hearing your name the memories come back again  
I remember when it started happening  
I see you in every thought I had and then  
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them  
And I knew as they escaped away  
I was committing myself to them and every day  
I regret saying those things cuz now I see that I  
Took what I hated and made it a part of me_I felt vibrations ran down in my veins, and it made me shiver.

''Hmph… What a mess…'' He ignored my whispers and continued to touch my fragile body leaving red marks all over it. He kissed my collarbone and sucked it till it was bright red.

Then he rose and looked straight into my eyes his blue eyes glowing evilly. He smirked at me and pressed his lips on mine. I closed my eyes once again to cover my weakness as the tears started to climb into my eyes.

''Roxas…'' I moaned, and I clung onto him more tightly. I was scared and I know he knew that, and it made him even more excited.

Deep within him he had a grudge on me, but still, there was something else that kept him from hating me. Love? I was not sure of that but it still felt good to have him there.

I cried loudly when he entered me. He conquered every part in me and filled me up. His eyes were shining dangerously as he watched me whine: he seemed to love it.

_Never goes away  
Never goes away  
_

_And now  
You've become a part of me  
You'll always be right here  
You've become a part of me  
You'll always be my fear  
I can't separate  
Myself from what I've done  
Giving up a part of me  
I've let myself become you__  
_

''_Once again as we were united, I could feel a part of my sou__l being torn apart. Maybe he couldn't feel the same coldness as I, but I wouldn't blame him. All the time he hurt me, he cried inside. He couldn't do anything, but to cry. His darkness was more greater than mine, so I wouldn't ever blame him… not even if he would kill me with his own hands…''_

Afterwards I decided to let him sleep. That was also one of his curses: he wouldn't be able to fall asleep if I didn't let him to. And by the time he slept, he took energy from me and I started to feel worn out. He seemed to be exhausted by the darkness and he had dark shadows under his eyes-

He slept long, and all that time I fought the darkness by forcing it down, and protecting our light. I sat beside him and patted his silky hair. It felt good but at the same time I felt my strength being drawn out.

I didn't know how long I kept going until I felt my hands trembling so madly I couldn't control them anymore and my light disappeared.

Immediately I saw the darkness notice that the light had weakened and it crept closer. I couldn't take it anymore, and with shaking hands I reached Roxas's hand, and we started to glow from the spot where our hands touched.

Slowly he opened his eyes, and I saw no light in them, no life.

Right now he was only a mere puppet without a soul as I sucked his life force out of him to protect all we had left. I couldn't no more hold my tears back, it was too sad to watch him. The darkness remained still but it had stopped. If I would let it touch our picture, it would surely corrupt it and make our hearts locked.

_I have to protect myself for they still need me. It was still my fault that he needed to suffer because of me. If I didn't have these dark thoughts inside my heart, he wouldn't have to suffer like this but he could rest in peace inside me._

_**''Roxas... I'm so sorry.''**_

_Get away from me  
Give me my space back you gotta just Go  
Everything comes down the memories of You  
I've kept it in but now I'm letting you Know  
I let you go so get away from Me  
Give me my space back you gotta just Go  
Everything comes down the memories of You  
I've kept it but now I'm letting you Know  
I let you go_

_Roxas's pov_

I opened my eyes to see him cry. He was hugging my numb body and his tears fell over my face. I wanted to smile, and say that it was alright. He had done it in order to keep this what we had tried to protect safe. I didn't want to see him like that since it also made me sad.

''Hey... I'm alright...'' I whispered and he just nodded. He wouldn't let me go.

''Sora...'' I reached his lips and he closed his eyes. I rose up and pulled him close to me. He was shaking, and I knew he was afraid. He was afraid of the darkness but I knew he knew that we were stronger. He only doubted now because of me.

''Listen to me... The darkness may be strong, but we can overcome it. Sometimes, you cannot find balance if you don't understand both, light and darkness. Do not fear any of them, and I'll be with you...'' The shivering stopped, but his skin was still pale.

I let him sleep, because he had been up for a long time... For my sake. I stood up and looked at the grinning darkness. It seemed to be laughing and then it took a form of my former friend. The darkness knew the desires in my heart so it tried to trick me.

I sighed and let out a laugher.

''Do you honestly think that I'm not able to erase that fake?'' And with those words I gathered all my light to reach it.

_And at that time, light grew stronger inside that blind soul of his._

_And now  
You've become a part of me  
You'll always be right here  
You've become a part of me  
You'll always be my fear  
I can't separate  
Myself from what I've done  
Giving up a part of me  
I've let myself become you  
__  
__''..I've let myself become you  
I've let myself become lost inside these thoughts of you  
Giving up a part of me, I've let myself become you..''_

**Forsaken (Roxas)**

_''Maybe we were forsaken by the others, but you know that I'd be with you until the end reaches us__.__..''_

I wouldn't let my eyes off you for a second. I wouldn't ever abandon you, and make you suffer like I had. No, even if there was a little piece of hatred in this empty chest of mine. More than that, I wanted to love him.

I watched as he slept, and his peaceful face melted the ice in my ''heart''

Yes, I do not have a heart of my own, but we share the same heart. _If I only would love him fully, he didn't have to suffer._

I kissed his forehead, and lay down beside him. He woke up immediately by my tough and he smiled sweetly.

He turned around and I intertwined my hands over his fragile body.

''…Sora...'' I purr into his neck, and taste his sweet skin. What would I do if I lost him? I know now that I wouldn't be able to keep on living. Not even then if he had ordered me to. No, I would follow him to death and join together with him.

_I want to love him._

''I would do anything for your sake, you know...'' I whispered and started to vanish. It's the fate of a Nobody, because I shouldn't exist. I belonged to him, and my existence remained only as long as he wished it. If the day comes when he would stop wishing that I exist, I'll disappear. He tried to remain awake but he was too worn out to keep his powers up to keep me here with him. I smiled at him.

''Sora, sleep.'' I said and he gave me a small nod before closing his blue eyes.

_Now the day has come  
We are forsaken this time_

We lived our lives in our paradise,  
As gods we shaped the world around  
No borderlines we'd stay behind,  
Though balance is something fragile

The freezing darkness around me flowed into my fragile body and filled it with emotions. I hang myself to the edge of our heart, and focused on my memories. Because when I sought them with my entire mind, _they'd become real. _Because when I remembered, I could feel that there was still hope to survive through the cunning darkness.

_''Hey Roxas? Do you remember me? You know, it's me: Axel...''_

I saw a certain redhead grinning at me, and throwing his hood away from his face. Axel was my best friend, before he died during protecting Sora. I was always thankful to him. I smiled at the older boy:

''Of course I remember you...'' I whispered, and Axel's smile widened.

''That's good Rox! But I got to ask you something before we can return... Let's see. What's our boss's name?'' My smile hadn't vanished. Once again this illusion made me go back to those days; I imagined being a real human.

''I do not have anyone who can boss me around...'' I whispered and in a blink of the eye, he was gone.

Sora used to say not to dwell in dreams since they hurt me but I didn't care. I wanted see him even if he was not real and once again I let myself drown into another sweet memory I shared with my 'friends'

After a while I snapped out of my dreaming when I felt him near.

''Those illusions aren't real Roxas...'' I heard a calming voice near me, and as I turned around to see my other-self walking closer.

Sora had grown much since those days. He wasn't that noisy, naive and sometimes annoying kid anymore. He was now a real hero without any doubts of his job as the keybearer. His only doubt was now in himself and I and that made our darkness greater.

His smile hadn't lost its shine, but I could see a great shadow behind him as his darkness crept over, following him all the time.

''Are you sure? How do you know for sure if those dreams aren't real?'' I asked him smiling with no emotions on my face. He came closer and pressed our noses together nuzzling gently. He felt bad for me, but he didn't say anything.

''Yeah...You never know.'' His kiss was so innocent. It hadn't that unbelievable heat it could have when he was excited, but it had all that loving this boy could ever give to anyone. He really _loved _me and that was all that mattered to me.

I protested quietly as he backed. We sat down, holding hands, but we spoke nothing. We had nothing to say because we knew what the other thought. Sora was imagining a wonderful dream of blue skies with me. It made me smile and I gave him a kiss on his hand. Then it was my turn to imagine something nice. We used to play this game: give each other a nice dream filled with happiness and joy and it would bring our souls together.

I started to think about a nice dream. I thought about us, sitting in that clock tower. We would eat some ice cream, and nothing would ever separate us.

At that moment, Sora laughed.

_**''Silly! We'll be always together**__**…**__**''**_

_While we thought we were gaining,  
We'd turn back the tide, it still slips away  
Our time has run out, our future has doubt,  
There's no more escape_

Now the day has come,  
We are forsaken,  
There's no time anymore  
Life will pass us by,  
We are forsaken,  
We're the last of our kind

''...Roxas...'' His whisper gave me chills. I moved to the next part of his body, and he seemed to melt under me. Every little touch I gave him, made him shiver out of his skin. He had become warmer, and his uncertainty was gone.

I couldn't get enough of him. A mere touch wasn't enough, I had to have more. I needed it, I needed him.

''I'll make you feel more, and more...'' I muttered voice ringing in lust. I knew he loved it, my voice. I knew he loved the way I hurt him, and he wanted more. I started to thrust in and his sweet moans escaped his mouth every moment I rubbed the special spot inside him.

I was getting hot, so desperately hot that I felt like fainting. He reached my neck and pulled me into a kiss.

That moment, I really wanted him.

_''But always as I touched him, suddenly I started to feel something cold creeping closer... I didn't know what it was but it wanted to kill him more than anything...''_

_The sacrifice was much too high,  
Our greed just made us all go blind  
We tried to hide what we feared inside  
Today is the end of tomorrow_

As the sea started rising,  
The land that we conquered just washed away  
Although we all have tried to turn back the tide,  
It was all in vain

_Sora's pov_

He was trembling madly while we fucked. I kept moving my hips down to get more of him while he kept thrusting in and out with a quick, strong pace which made me shiver by the pleasure. His eyes were closed and his breath was low. He seemed to be feeling good but something was surely bothering him; I could feel it.

''Ah… Roxas.'' I called his name as he slammed into me. I'd surely drown by this immense feeling. Now he was smirking and when he reached my crotch and started to stroke me, I lost my control completely and screamed.

''_He would always hold me strongly and harshly, but his behavior towards me was so gentle. Oh, if only his lies would turn into reality… Then he wouldn't have to live in illusions and suffer because of shadows.''_

I knew that someday, I wouldn't be able to speak to him anymore. Someday he would vanish and then I wouldn't be able to reach him, touch him, feel his warmth on my body, kiss him, hold him and love him like this. I knew he knew it too and that's why every time we united, he acted to tenderly, so harshly, to leave a mark on me, my skin, into my body, into my soul. He wanted a proof that he existed, but to me, he was already true. He didn't need a proof; he was already so dear to me.

''Roxas…'' I whispered when he finished, and lay next to me staring into the nothing less. He turned around and his piercing glare of hatred hit me like a thousands of needles but I didn't care. If he wanted to have a proof, I would give it to him.

''_I will always love you.''_

_**-END-**_

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**Rain: It's strange to publish my old stories but I remembered how I loved this pairing^^ THANKS FOR READING AND SORRY FOR THE POSSIBLE MISTAKES (my english was soo crappy)  
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